Bryan kept telling me there was a reason that we recently suffered a miscarriage…
Not that whole "there was something 'wrong' with the baby" sort of reason…..
Just that God had a plan for us…
Can I admit that at the time, I could not even fathom the reason?
I knew that God loved me but I could not even begin to understand why He would let us experience the elation of finding out we were expecting, only to take it away from us and replace it with grief and pain.
Knowing that God loved me was the only thing that made me not turn into a complete mess…
I knew all things would be made perfect in His timing…
I knew that my little one was being held in the arms of Jesus until Bryan and I can get there…
Still didn't make the pain go away.
Fast forward to our decision to pursue adopting MinLan…
I didn't know any of the requirements of adopting from China…
I just knew that was our girl…
Then I started to read…"no children under the age of one"…
Hmmmm…Neely was set to turn one very soon, so I knew that would not be an issue…but what about our OTHER little one?
Had I been expecting, I would have had to answer the question above very differently…
God had a plan…..joy truly does come in the morning….
MinLan is our morning that replaces our mourning….
Thank you God for the joy, however brief, of knowing we were expecting…
Thank you God for knowing that MinLan was waiting on us…that she needs us just as we need her…
Thank you God for working all things together for good in our lives…
Well, things around here sure have been exciting! I can hardly keep up….
To start, my sweet hubby Bryan is retiring from the National Guard! Unbelievable! I'll share more soon about how God has worked in our life through that! He is going back to school to get his masters and wants to teach at the collegiate level. One of his favorite parts of his job has always been the times he is able to teach and mentor soldiers. What a blessing for him to retire from a career that he loved and then start fresh with something new that he equally loves!
My honey-do list is growing for him until he starts school this fall!
On to our bigger news! In the coming weeks, I'll be able to share all of the details about the amazing way God has moved in our family…for now I'll share the quick, allowable version!
God has placed a precious, little girl
with Down syndrome
in our path that is looking for a forever family!
We knew before Neely was ever born, that God was calling us to adopt a child with Down syndrome. Once Neely was born, I wondered if maybe God just put that desire on our hearts to prepare us for her birth.
Maybe he never intended for us to adopt….
I've just continued to pray that God would make it clear to us. Did He want us to adopt or maybe just help others in their process?
God began to reveal His plan to us for adoption but the fact that Bryan was retiring obviously makes the plan to adopt an almost impossible one.
Adoption, no matter how you sugarcoat it, is expensive…
I just assumed we would work hard with Neely on her therapies, let Bryan get through school and then we would start the process to adopt.
God has proven over and over again that He has WAY better plans than I could ever dream up!
Once we contacted our agency about our sweet girl, we were very upfront with them about what was about to happen with Bryan's retirement. She agreed that it might not be possible but we would give it our best shot.
She reached out to a contact in our little one's country, told them our story and we waited on pins and needles to see if they thought we could even proceed.
After providing some additional info to her contact, we prayed over the weekend that God was going to move in a STRONG and MIGHTY way…..
This morning we got the phone call that we were waiting for…
She asked if we were prepared to be "blown away"….
She followed by explaining that her contact said to move forward with our plans and to move QUICKLY!!
To be clear, we still have to get the official pre-approval. We sent off the needed paperwork TODAY, along with our first of many fees and all of that will be entered in the system and be reviewed by our country and then, God willing, APPROVED within 2 to 3 days after they review it!
We promised to be the fastest clients she had ever dealt with, at least with things from our end!
Now we need to get our mind wrapped around fundraising and preparing our home for a home study and all the details and paperwork!
We thank you for your prayers for our family and would covet your continued prayers for things to move quickly! And for us to be able to keep up!
Would you pray with us that our country really sees our heart for our sweet girl and is willing to step out and make her part of the Parris family? We are trusting God to show out BIG!!
You ever have one of those days (or weeks) where everything seems to make you angry….
No excuse, I know…."you choose to be angry"…blah, blah, blah…..
But sometimes, that's what life deals you and it takes you a while to move past the anger…
I have had a few of those days this past weekend….
I'm struggling with forgiveness…I guess because I feel like I need someone to be angry WITH….
A few weeks ago, Bryan and I were surprised and elated to find out we were expecting Baby #5.
This past weekend, I miscarried.
Who am I angry with, you ask?
Am I angry with God because of this sad turn in our story? No, absolutely not….I know my God loves me and that He has a plan for me and for our family. I know "All things work together for good for those that love the Lord."
Who am I angry with? People in general, I guess…
As is always the case when I am expecting, I was chomping at the bit to tell anyone who would listen!
I told a few friends and the overwhelming majority of them were excited with me. Many hugs, congratulations and genuine agreement that a new baby was a blessing.
Then there were "the few" that met my announcement with a look of sheer shock on their faces.
Here is where my anger begins to come into play…..
I can not FATHOM, why anyone would not be excited about the upcoming arrival of a new baby!
We only knew we were expecting for a few weeks….
A lot can happen in a few weeks….
In a few weeks….
you can begin to dream of baby names….
you can start to plan a really cool way to tell your kids and your parents about your new little one...
you can begin to imagine who your new little one will look like…
you can begin to ponder how much you would love another "Daddy's girl" and at the same time imagine how much your only son would love to have a baby brother….
you can change the dates on your big family vacation, so you won't have to worry about delivering a baby in the middle of the Magic Kingdom….
you can become excited about your youngest child with special needs having a buddy, someone to motivate them, someone to learn alongside them….
you can even become excited about the thought of having a great reason to dig out your comfy maternity capri pants….
In a few weeks, you can also face the harsh reality that everyone does not consider children to be the same blessing that you do. Friends you thought you knew seem aghast that you would want to become a family of 7….
Why is that?
Bryan and I take financial responsibility for our little ones…
Bryan and I take responsibility for the physical care of our little ones…
Bryan and I believe that our family size is between us and the Lord. We don't look down on you because you felt led to have only one child, or two or three….
Anger….
I am sad at the loss of our little one and what makes it even more painful to bear is the fact that people that I love were not excited with us for those few short weeks….
I am asking for the Lord's help to forgive them….. I can't do it today….
I know that is not the Christian way to feel….I know that I should forgive others just as God forgave me…
I know ALL those things….
What else I know is that I am hurting….
I also know that I am grateful for friends who value family and would have loved our newest little one whether he or she was baby number #1 or baby number #10….
I am grateful for my husband who was just as excited as I was about our newest little one. He joined me in the sheer laughter that God would bless us again with a baby so close to Neely.
I am grateful for my little ones that I know would have been elated if we had told them about the new baby. I couldn't be more proud to be their mommy.
“Forgivenessis an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” ~ Corrie Ten Boom
Lord, give me the will to forgive and change the temperature of my heart…..
It was a simple sermon, starting softly, building in volume and intensity until the entire congregation was completely involved, repeating the phrases in unison. The sermon went something like this.
It’s Friday. Jesus is arrested in the garden where He was praying. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. The disciples are hiding and Peter’s denying that he knows the Lord. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. Jesus is standing before the high priest of Israel, silent as a lamb before the slaughter. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. Jesus is beaten, mocked, and spit upon. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. Those Roman soldiers are flogging our Lord with a leather scourge that has bits of bones and glass and metal, tearing at his flesh. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. The Son of man stands firm as they press the crown of thorns down into his brow. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. See Him walking to Calvary, the blood dripping from His body. See the cross crashing down on His back as He stumbles beneath the load. It’s Friday; but Sunday’s a coming.
It’s Friday. See those Roman soldiers driving the nails into the feet and hands of my Lord. Hear my Jesus cry, “Father, forgive them.” It’s Friday; but Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. Jesus is hanging on the cross, bloody and dying. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. The sky grows dark, the earth begins to tremble, and He who knew no sin became sin for us. Holy God who will not abide with sin pours out His wrath on that perfect sacrificial lamb who cries out, “My God, My God. Why hast thou forsaken me?” What a horrible cry. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. And at the moment of Jesus’ death, the veil of the Temple that separates sinful man from Holy God was torn from the top to the bottom because Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. Jesus is hanging on the cross, heaven is weeping and hell is partying. But that’s because it’s Friday, and they don’t know it, but Sunday’s a coming.
And on that horrible day 2000 years ago, Jesus the Christ, the Lord of glory, the only begotten Son of God, the only perfect man died on the cross of Calvary. Satan thought that he had won the victory. Surely he had destroyed the Son of God. Finally he had disproved the prophecy God had uttered in the Garden and the one who was to crush his head had been destroyed. But that was Friday.
Now it’s Sunday. And just about dawn on that first day of the week, there was a great earthquake. But that wasn’t the only thing that was shaking because now it’s Sunday. And the angel of the Lord is coming down out of heaven and rolling the stone away from the door of the tomb. Yes, it’s Sunday, and the angel of the Lord is sitting on that stone and the guards posted at the tomb to keep the body from disappearing were shaking in their boots because it’s Sunday, and the lamb that was silent before the slaughter is now the resurrected lion from the tribe of Judah, for He is not here, the angel says. He is risen indeed.
It’s Sunday, and the crucified and resurrected Christ has defeated death, hell, sin and the grave. It’s Sunday. And now everything has changed. It’s the age of grace, God’s grace poured out on all who would look to that crucified lamb of Calvary. Grace freely given to all who would believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross of Calvary was buried and rose again. All because it’s Sunday.
As a mom of a little one with special needs, each day brings new challenges and exciting milestones…
I am so grateful for all of the little things that Neely does that I took for granted with my other babies.
I was NOT one of those moms, who wrote down every baby milestone on the calendar. I rationalized to myself...would I really care when Ethan was 50, the exact day he crawled or walked? Would I care, years from now when Roo ate her first bananas or when Ellie got her first haircut?
Obviously my babies reached all those milestones, whether I was recording dates or not. I just can't remember when certain teeth came in, when they rolled over or how much they weighed at age 2.
I'm not a bad mom, I just have a terrible memory. Ha!
But Neely….we may throw a PARTY for each milestone!!!
She has been rolling both ways for a while now and sitting up is our next big goal. I can not tell you how anxious I am for her to sit up. Only because I know it will change her entire perspective on the world.
Can you imagine spending your days lying down?
Yeah, me neither.
I can't wait to see her sit to play with her toys, follow her siblings with her eyes and head as they dart around the room…..
That day is coming sweet Neely…we are going to get there. And mommy will be so excited….and I promise you sweet girl, I'll put the date on the calendar….or at least post it on Facebook…. :-)
While I'm talking about milestones, often no one wants to talk about the milestones that are further down the road. We don't want to think about our babies growing up, graduating high school, getting married…..
We want them to stay little….
While at the same time wanting them to grow up, experience life and be successful at whatever God calls them to.
Well, for parents of kids with special needs….this may look very different….
I think, I am safe to say, that every parent of a child with special needs, specifically Down syndrome, would not agree with my thoughts on Neely's future.
I want to see her graduate from high school…if that is God's plan for her….
I want to see her get married…if that is God's plan for her….
I want to see her become a mother…if that is God's plan for her…
There's where the dilemma comes in…many parents of children with special needs are all about their child getting the same opportunities as every other person on the planet…
Except when it comes to dating, marriage and child-bearing…..
I am not naive enough to think that Neely might not need help and maybe lots of it….but if that's God's plan for her life, who am I to decide that she can't do it?
The last time I checked my Bible, it never said anything about people with Down syndrome not being able to marry or have children.
I want Neely to experience that love and companionship that her Daddy and I do. I want someone to be willing to peel her shrimp, watch late night tv with her and cook her pancakes on Saturday morning. I want Neely to know the overwhelming joy of being a mother…that feeling that is indescribable….unless you've actually experienced motherhood….
Who are we or you to stand in her way?
Could she give birth to a typical child? Certainly!
Could she give birth to a child with Down syndrome? Certainly!
And what would be wrong with that? Neely is made in God's image just as you and I are….
Who's to say God doesn't look just like my sweet Neely…
Who's to say what God's plan is for her life…. maybe it's to be an awesome wife and mother!
Maybe it's to live a nice long life with mommy and daddy or to grow up among friends in a group home or to have her own apartment?
Who knows?
I do know this…
We'll do our best to prepare Neely for the life God has planned for her…
I'll teach her how to load the dishwasher and cook a grill cheese….
Her Daddy will teach her how to change a tire and cut her own grass…
She'll learn to love others through the love of her siblings…..
And maybe one day…she'll have a few special people of her own in her life to love….
